STARSHINE THE OCEAN AND THE UNICORN
Chapter five                                                                                                       Part six



                   The rain had stopped.  Each footstep rang loud and hollow as Joe ran through the wet back streets of an empty night.  He reached his front door and the echoes of his running footsteps ceased.  He climbed the four flights of stairs in darkness.  He tried to catch his breaths, but they came to fast and choked over each other making him cough and gasp.  His legs ached and his knees were giving way as he staggered to the black , empty doorway of his doorless bedsit.  He reached inside to turn on the light , but there was nothing in the meter, so he turned on nothing but more darkness.  He accepted the darkness, realising that that was all there is.  He found the bed, kicked off his shoes, took off his jacket and jeans, climbed between the cold sheets and shivered.
                   He tried to remember happiness, but all he could feel in his memories were motions and pretences of laughter and love.  He remembered stealing cars and joy riding with friends who no longer had faces and making love to girls who no longer have names.  He remembered night time burglaries, his pockets stuffed with money and jewels.  Then the drinking and the crazy laughter at what they had done. And each excitement was followed by a gaping dissatisfaction and loneliness where it was dark and there were no searchlights.
                     The adrenalin buzz had turned to insane fear ever since a man with a handle bar moustache and a trilby hat had fallen off his bar stool at Heathrow airport and ever since Joe had looked inside a black briefcase and seen the garish colours of  neatly stacked monopoly money.  The faceless joyriders, the nameless girls and the crazy laughter had all gone and now Joe lived in a place that was dark and cold and deathly.  Why or how he did not know.  He understood nothing of his role or direction.  All he knew was that he was killing in order not to be killed and his reward for staying alive would be three million pounds. 
                       He curled up with his knees to his chin and his arms tight across his chest.  He rocked himself to try and make himself warm.  He hung onto the thought of three million pounds.  He tried to imagine friends with faces and girls with names, easy living, fast cars and hotel suites. He was desperate to feel the enormity of the fortune, but it meant nothing to him and he drifted into sleep feeling nothing but the cold.