STARSHINE, THE OCEAN AND THE UNICORN

Chapter Six                                                                                                           Part five



                              This morning I arrived in Southampton.  I went straight to he docks.  I helped load a cargo of fine walnut furniture and in return for my labour a kind captain has let me aboard to sail the channel.  
                               I was once before bound for the same shores, but they were the shores of a battle field not the shores of France.
                              The day is pale grey.  Gulls surround the ship with their ugly flapping and squawking.  In spite of their noise I feel peaceful, I feel free, no wishes, no purpose, no burden, no soldier's pack, no rich man's wallet, just a pocket knife and a lead pencil in the pockets of my leather jerkin and I carry my precious book of words already written and pages yet to be filled, in the deepest most secret pocket , close to my heart.
                              I look at the grey waters of the channel and I wonder at all the depths and all the secrets of all the seas and all the oceans.  On land I stand above the ground so that I have to stand and live as a man, but I cannot stand on the sea, it is not my home, it overpowers my existence, it humbles me, it drowns my confusion, it drowns my life and its meaning and makes me feel at peace.  The ocean is independent, unrepressed in storm or calm.
                             I watch the waves drawing and swelling.  I watch the ebb and the flow and I wonder what lies ahead, what will be given to me and what will be taken away.  I try to think but I cannot, my peace is such that there is no future, no past, just the ocean.
                            If ever I do not find the girl in the woods and cannot know her name, then I will let the sea bury me.  Like the unicorn, I will let the ocean swallow me and make me a part of it, another myth it will hold, another secret that is glorious and free.