STARSHINE THE OCEAN AND THE UNICORN
Chapter four                                                                                                   Part Sixteen



                  When Joe woke the rain had cleared from the sky and left the ground wet, everything was coated with a watery film that shone beneath a strong sun and the puddles were like white gold.  Joe squinted against the glare.  He got out of the car and stretched his aching body.  The cellar door was padlocked so he walked round to the side door.  He knocked and eventually he heard the weary shuffle of Mad Maria's espadrilled feet.  The door  opened.  Mad Maria greeted him with her quiet, high pitched, insipid laugh.  Joe looked at her directly, his face unsmiling and tensed.  There were heavy shadows beneath her dark eyes, she turned away from him nervously.  Joe hated her whimpering, feeble laughter, be it happy or sad.  He followed her into the bar where he sat on a stool while she resumed her scrubbing, on hands and knees, in the far corner of the room. She knelt with her back to Joe, a bucket of steaming water at her side.  The feint splash and swoosh of water followed by the hollow sound of hard bristles on floorboards went on in  a steady monotonous rhythm.  Joe watched her, his contempt was bitter, he despised her conscience and her lowliness.  Wearily and steadily she mopped and polished and scrubbed without end, as though dust and dirt were the forces of evil and it was she alone that kept them at bay.  Joe looked at her pink overalls and daffodil yellow rubber gloves, her pale legs tinged blue with varicose veins and her grey knot of hair in a net at the back of her head and he was sure that the talk of church and candles was his own dreaming.  Mad Maria had not said the words he had imagined that she had said.  She had no words.  She was wordless, mindless, afraid and weak, all she had was her scrubbing brush and her laugh.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
                          Annie came in, her air was in  a high, girlish pony tail.  She wore tight jeans and a cream mohair jumper, white open toed stiletto shoes and blood red nail varnish on her fingers and toes.  She was smiling and her green eyes were full of joy.  But her joy was stopped in its  tracks at the sight of  Joe's pale thin, face.  The sparkle had gone from the blue in his eyes and left them vacant and rimmed with red.  Joe could see nothing of her horror.  He wanted her, he felt his heart going out to her and he thought he was in love.  But Joe did not understand that it was somebody else's heart from somebody else's story.
                  " I brought the car back, " he said " I'm sorry I was so long with it.  I didn't mean to be. "                      " It's no problem, I never use it. "  Annie averted her eyes.  Joe wanted Annie to be cross with him for disappearing with her car for so long.  He wanted a reaction that showed it mattered to her and that he mattered to her, but she gave none. She said something about having to make up the rolls and see to the pies and she was gone.
                   Joe found her in the kitchen.  He stood in the doorway.  Annie was drawing a wire through a large block of cheddar.  The sight of the cheese wire sent a shudder through him, his mind was jolted but he could not find the memory.  Annie would not look at him, his appearance horrified her.
         " When did you last eat ?" she asked.  Joe did not know.  He could not think and he was not hungry.  So he did not answer.  There was a silence then Annie tried again,
                                                                                                                         " Roy's in a clinic down Morden way.  Maybe you should go there. "
                   Another jolt went through him and this time his memory was jarred and he remembered the little task that had to be done for Jason.  Annie reached for her handbag.  She gave Joe a slip of paper with Roy's address on it.  Her head was lowered so that their eyes would not meet.  Joe tried to take her hand but she took it away and went to the other side of the kitchen where she busied herself at the sink.  Her movements were brisk and unnatural.  While Annie thought Joe needed help, Joe thought she wanted him to visit his brother and he wanted to visit his brother because he wanted to please her.
                       " I've got a little business to take care of in Morden this afternoon. So I'll pop in on him. "  He waited for a response,  but she gave none.  " See you tonight then."
                 " We'll see, " she said doubtfully, as if she knew something Joe didn't. Joe did not understand so he rubbed her words from his mind and they were quickly erased.
                  " Can I have a ciggy ? " he said
                  "In my bag, take the box !"  She had never let him take things straight from her bag before.  Joe supposed she was too busy and anyway her hands were wet.
                  " Take some money too!" she said, still not looking at him.  Joe still carried a wad of notes from a card game that seemed an age ago, but he took a fiver of Annie's anyway. Then he left, knowing that he had wanted to kiss and hold her and not understanding why he had not.